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I guess i could see it coming to this point for a long time, but who was i to predict the future?
I am 19, currently studying my chosen subject and now, i have become obsessed with what i can and can't eat... Yes, i am pro-ana, but my BMI does not class me as anorexic, and therefore, i am not one. My self esteem is just very, very low. Who wants to be known as the 'fat girl', or the 'cute fat girl' in life, not being able to wear something because it won't suit your body shape? It's disgusting, and yes i may not be able to get to grips with some aspects of my life, but i can get to grips and control what goes into my body, and control the shape that i am aspiring to have at the end of it.
The pressure got to me in the end... Everyone around me absolutely OBSESSED with what they looked like, what they were wearing, reading magazines documenting the bodily changes of celebrities (i use the term 'celeb' loosely here), everything on the outside.. You can't shoot a personality for Bottega Veneta, and although it is something i have tried to ignore over the years, a personality is not enough to get you through in life. People treat ugly people different, overweight, chubby, munter... Whatever you want to call it. As it is well known, beautiful people get anything they want. So why shouldn't i get that?
My calorie intake for the past 3 days has been

1 = 231
2 = 322
3 = 240

I am going to go up to 500, then decrease that etc etc. Have to make sure the body doesn't get used to eating too little or it will go into starvation mode, you will gain weight / you will gain weight when you next eat after the extreme calorie decrease/fast.

Lovelove xxx